Saturday, July 10, 2010

 

Following a suggestion in Justin Krebs's book 538 Ways to Live, Work, and Play Like a Liberal, Matt Labash of The Weekly Standard establishes a virtual suggestion box:
I email colleagues that I will collect their important feedback and send it to our boss, Bill Kristol. . . . Here are just some of the things my colleagues are convinced they need to make The Weekly Standard a more positive work experience:
More key parties .  .  . institute a ‘buddy system’ for all lavatory use .  .  . group showers, so we can save water and go easier on our earth mother .  .  . more irony in staff meetings .  .  . fewer first-person insertions into magazine pieces .  .  . prepare for Y2K .  .  . pension off Labash .  .  . change our name to ‘US News & Weekly Standard Report’ .  .  . institute an open-door trust-tree policy for managers so that employees understand that they are in a safe space to seek counsel for personal/emotional problems/issues.
I forward the results to Kristol, who seems fairly amenable. He agrees to the first three demands, and regarding group showers, vows to go “the extra mile by ending gender segregation and don’t ask, don’t tell.” Regarding many of the suggestions from our literary editor, Phil Terzian, Kristol promises to “check on whether Terzian has too much free time.”

. . . Many of Krebs’s other liberalizing-the-workplace suggestions I skip, because we already do them. We already recycle. We don’t have a plastic-tank water cooler. We already have environmentally friendly toilets. (One feedback complaint, on account of our low-flush urinals, was, “Any chance we can get the toilets to flush properly around here?” Kristol’s response: “I’m working with technicians from BP.”) Krebs says to relax the office dress code. But if our dress code was any more relaxed, we’d be wearing cutoffs and half-shirts to work, making us look like some sort of neocon Mountain Dew commercial. Nobody wants to see that. Trust me.

Ticking down Krebs’s laundry list, seeing how many requirements our office already fulfills, I’m left with one irrefutable conclusion: Bill Kristol is a liberal.